Friendsgiving Feedback #2
It’s Friday, and time for my final Friendsgiving Feedback critique! Today’s entry also came in very close to perfect. Here is how THE PENDRAGON’S SON hit the Friendsgiving Feedback inbox:
Dear [Agent’s name]:
Seventeen-year-old Vael meets his long-lost brother, Mordred, for the first time, only to discover that their supposedly unchangeable fate is to become steadfast enemies.
After years with only swords and tomes as companions, Prince Vaeldhei finds his first true friendship with the arrival of his surly half-brother, Mordred—a boy even more familiar with rejection and loneliness than Vael. However, an ancient prophecy haunts Mordred’s footsteps―he is destined to kill their father, King Arthur, in a battle that will destroy Britain. Vael may not believe in fate’s power, but that means little to the superstitious kingdom seeking his older brother’s death.
Though Mordred’s sorceress mother attempts to use him as a pawn in her plot to obliterate Camelot, Vael vows to show Mordred that destinies can be chosen. Vael fights her and her manipulations at every turn, even resorting to enlisting her alluring but devious apprentice for aid. But the sorceress is no easy foe. If Vael cannot free Mordred from the sorceress’ twisted grasp, he will have to watch his father and Camelot fall or kill the only friend he’s ever had—his brother.
THE PENDRAGON’S SON is a standalone YA fantasy with series potential, complete at 90,200 words. An excerpt from this manuscript received the Superior Award from the Association of Christian Schools International (ACSI) Creative Writing Contest and the ACSI Regional Creative Writing Festival. I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a minor in literature from the Richard Stockton College of New Jersey. I live in Pennsylvania with my husband, my reptiles, and my books.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
And here it is, cleaned up and shiny:
Title: THE PENDRAGON’S SON
Genre: YA Fantasy
Word Count: 90,000
Dear [Agent’s name]:
Seventeen-year-old Vael meets his long-lost brother, Mordred, for the first time, and discovers that they are doomed to become steadfast enemies.
After years with only swords and tomes as companions, reclusive Prince Vaeldhei finds true friendship with the arrival of his surly half-brother, Mordred—a boy even more familiar with rejection and loneliness than Vael. But an ancient prophecy haunts Mordred’s footsteps―he is destined to kill their father, King Arthur, in a battle that will destroy Britain. Vael may not believe in fate, but that means little to the superstitious people of Camelot, most of whom wish Mordred dead.*
Mordred’s sorceress mother, Morgause,** means to use him as a pawn in her plot to obliterate King Arthur and Britain. Vael vows to prove to Mordred that destinies can be chosen. He battles Morgause and her manipulations at every turn, even enlisting the sorceress’s alluring but devious apprentice for aid. But Morgause is no easy foe. If Vael cannot free Mordred from her wicked influence, he will have to watch King Arthur and Camelot fall, or kill the only friend he’s ever had—his brother.
THE PENDRAGON’S SON is a standalone YA fantasy with series potential. An excerpt from this manuscript received the Superior Award from the Association of Christian Schools International (ACSI) Creative Writing Contest and the ACSI Regional Creative Writing Festival. I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a minor in literature from the Richard Stockton College of New Jersey. I live in Pennsylvania with my husband, my reptiles, and my books.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
For the other Friendsgiving Feedback critiques up to this point, visit:
Michelle Hauck, author of GRUDGING and FAITHFUL
Laura Heffernan, author of AMERICA’S NEXT REALITY STAR
Liana Brooks, author of HEROES AND VILLAINS series
Emily B. Martin, author of WOODWORKER and ASHES TO FIRE
And don’t forget our #FFCHATs on later today at 4pm and 8pm EST. I’ll be driving east of the Cascades during the first, but will attend the second on my mobile as I dash between Christmas parties. I can’t wait to talk writing and queries!
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